Uhm. Ok. So these things…
Back in March, I confessed for the second time on twitter that I’d never had a pop tart. I don’t even quite know how to describe them to those of us who didn’t grow up with them. They’re “toaster pastries”? So you stick them in the toaster and they come out all nice and toasted and ready to eat? Really? This being America, I have to admit to being very (very) cautious about anything that is produced en masse and available all over the country in uniform flavours, shapes and sizes. And so I steered clear of them successfully for most of the 8 years I’ve lived here now.
That is, until my friend Jacki and her husband were kind enough to do my groceries when my shoulder had healed enough to do my own cooking, but I could not yet drive. So one fine morning, she showed up and plonked down, in addition to my healthful veggies and raw hazelnuts and whatnots from my shopping list, this package of Poptarts. “Little present for you from me, to try!” Oh. Ok, thanks! Great!
I asked advice from various quarters: How do you eat them? “Put them in the toaster. But really low, and keep an eye on them, because your toaster may catch fire and burn otherwise.” Wait what? Why would you willingly risk setting your house on fire for a pre-fab sugar junk food snack?!? Debates ensued: “You can also stick them in the microwave.” “Nah, they’ll go soft.” “Just not that long!” “No no, eat them straight from the package!” Gasp! You mean I’m to eat them RAW???
Since each foil package contains two “tarts”, I decided to risk it in the toaster with one, put most of another in the microwave in 15″ increments, and nibble on a raw corner.
But because I value the services of my $5 second-hand brave little toaster, I decided to protect it from sugar-melt-fire:
The verdict of the experiment? If I were really, really hungry and there wasn’t anything in the house, I’d risk my toaster. The pastry casing is “flat” in taste even if a bit more crunchy after toasting, the sugar/cinnamon is not very exciting. The microwave didn’t do anything for me, and straight out of the package would be only useful in case of prolongued zombie-attacks or other acts of deities making it impossible to forage outside for wild berries.
Sorry friends, I know I just failed my citizenship test. I think it’s one of these things you need to grow up with, and clearly I didn’t! But if any of you want some Brown Sugar Cinnamon poptarts, I have a box with another 10 of them (5 packs of 2 each) to hand out, just drop me a line! You’re also welcome to have them here with a lovely cup of tea or coffee!