Monthly Archives: May 2020

Urgent message to all members of Backyard Wildlife College!

BWC Campus Safety urges all members of the college to stay well away from the human dwelling #1. In particular members of InInEx (Intrepid Indoor Explorer Club) should evacuate immediately and cancel all plans for new indoor expeditions. (Please note, InInEx is not endorsed by the College because it would hike up our health and life insurance group rates beyond belief, but we still care about your safety.)

All signs of activity point to a late but viciously deep spring clean happening this weekend. Based on previous years’ patterns, we thought we had escaped lightly from this year’s Great Indoor Destruction season, but based on ongoing observations, it appears to have been simply delayed for no apparent reason. (We do not think there is any connection with the Great Sickness, but our scientists are still working on understanding what it does to humans in-home behaviour. Apparently it’s complicated.)

We are also still working through the latest intelligence to set up the habitual summer time-share we have with the human in #1, but there is currently no evidence we’ll get the place to ourselves anytime soon: no suitcases have been brought out of storage, and there are periodic mumblings about delayed visa paperwork. We will keep you up to date.

Until then, please practice caution when approaching #1 dwelling, and stay away from The Thing!!

Hoover/vacuum cleaner, Dyson ball - bottom part with carpet-brush.
The Thing, cause of many an arachnid’s untimely end, and feared by all Creepy Crawlies.